How To Say NO To Boys/Girls!

At times, situations may arise where you need to reject an advance or turn down a request from someone when it comes to sex or just life in general. I am 17 years old and when I speak on purity, sometimes it baffles people that I am still a virgin because I’m a bit popular, a bit pretty. and a bit prominent and that cracks me up all the time. Virginity doesn’t have a look or social class. Though one of the things that people come ask me in private is how I have been able to say no to boys where they don’t keep pushing the envelope on it. Well, to be honest, I don’t know all the tips but here are some on how to say “no” to boys respectfully AND assertively that have worked for me:

  1. Be Direct: Avoid beating around the bush. Be clear and direct with your “no,” ensuring there is no room for misinterpretation. I learn that when I’m more direct, they understand the first time.
  2. Stay Firm: Be firm in your response. If you’re not interested or you don’t want to do something, it’s okay to say so. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and you don’t have to do something to make them feel special or to appease them so they will still like you.
  3. Keep it Simple: You do not need to offer a lengthy explanation. A simple “no” or “I’m not ready” is sufficient. Walk away from those who do not understand or try to pressure you with more advances.
  4. Be Polite: Saying “no” doesn’t mean you have to be rude. A polite tone can help to minimize hurt feelings on the other side; if they are not aggressive about it.
  5. Use “I” Statements: Frame your responses to be about your feelings or decisions. For example: “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “I don’t want to.”
  6. Trust Your Gut: If something doesn’t feel right to you, trust those instincts. You have the right to say no to anything that doesn’t align with your comfort or values. Don’t trust going places or being in private spaces even with people you know; especially when you know they keep trying to advance on you. How many tv shows and movies do we have to see before noticing bad things go wrong!
  7. Know Your Worth: Remember that you don’t have to accept something less than what you deserve. Saying “no” can be empowering! Never feel weak, especially if your friends are telling you to do otherwise. There should be no shame in saying no nor being a virgin/abstaining.
  8. Avoid Sending Mixed Messages: Make sure your verbal and non-verbal cues match the message you intend to deliver. Can’t really say no and then giggle or say no and rub their thigh or kissing.
  9. Practice Ahead of Time: If you’re nervous, it might help to practice what you want to say. Being prepared can make you feel more confident in the moment.
  10. Offer Alternatives if Appropriate: If the situation warrants, and you feel comfortable, suggest an alternative. For example, “I can’t hang out Saturday unless you don’t mind me bringing my friend.” “I’ll come over but I would rather you not leave the door closed.” “I don”t mind you come over but it needs to be when my parent is home.”
  11. Do Not Delay: If you know your answer is no, say it sooner rather than later to avoid leading someone on.
  12. You’re Not Obligated: Remember that you’re not obligated to change your mind. No matter how much someone tries to convince you, it’s okay to stay true to your decision.
  13. Seek Support If Needed: If you feel pressured or unsafe, seek support from friends, family, or authorities.

Knowing how to say “no” is an essential skill that helps maintain your boundaries and personal integrity. Remember, it’s your right to say “no” at any time, for any reason.


— AlonaLeoine

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