The Red Flag Remix : Dating The Spectrum

I was scrolling through the group chat last night and realized that we are officially in a new era of discernment because in 2026, a “nice guy” with a job is no longer the baseline; it’s the bare minimum for us.

Now that we’ve passed “Dating Sunday” and the apps are buzzing with new profiles, I want us to have a real conversation about who we are letting past our perimeter. I’ve been looking at the latest BLK’s “State of Black Singles” report, and the numbers are telling a story we already knew: Black women are leading the way in “Intentional Dating.” Over 67% of us now say that effort and consistency are more important than a man’s tax bracket. We aren’t just looking for a partner to be financially stable, we are looking for a teammate who matches our emotional maturity. Sidenote, I do not support the BLK Dating App and I advise other black people to stay clear. Not only do they back the wrong imagery of our people during election terms but they are often reported by women to be an app that houses so many dangerous males, fake male profiles, and identity scam artists.

But to find that teammate, we have to talk about the “Red Flag Remix”; the updated list of behaviors that should have you hitting “block” before the first date even happens.

The “Dusty Energy” Audit

Let’s be real about “Dusty Energy.” You know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s that scarcity mindset that shows up as low effort: “where you at?” or “wyd” texts at 10:00 PM, and a refusal to plan a real date.

• The “Nonchalant” Trap: We saw the word “chalant”; meaning caring and showing effort; go viral for a reason. In this administration and this economy, we don’t have time for a man who is “too cool” to show interest. If he acts like he’s doing you a favor by being in your presence…that is a major red flag.
• The “Dusty” Spending: This isn’t about him being rich; it’s about him being generous with his intentions. If he’s “dusty” on the planning, he’s going to be dusty on the emotional support later. A man who values you will invest the time to know your favorite coffee order or the best way to make you laugh after a long day.

Dating the Spectrum

I want us to talk about “Dating the Spectrum.” As Black women and young ladies, we are often told we have to date a specific type to be safe or successful. But the beauty of 2025 is that most of us started realizing that we we are dating the full spectrum of personality, career, AND background.

• The Green Flag Shift: A major green flag right now is Emotional Accountability. Can he admit when he’s wrong? AND also prove it through his consistent actions? Does he have a therapist or a solid group of brothers who hold him responsible rather than encourage or influence his toxic behaviors? In a world that is already heavy, you don’t need a partner you have to “raise” nor “save.”
• Shared Values over Shared Aesthetics: We saw that viral story about the “power couple” who divorced because of misaligned expectations around elder care and career sacrifices. The lesson? You have to discuss the “un-sexy” stuff early. You need to find out if you’re equally yoked beyond the classification of “being a Christian”. Ask about his views on gender roles, financial boundaries, marriage, and his vision for a legacy. If he stumbles over those questions, he’s not ready for a woman of your caliber. And it’s not your job to make him be nor prepare him to be.

Protecting the Gilded Perimeter

Choosing to date “the spectrum” doesn’t mean lowering your bar; it means being clear about what the bar actually is. Whether you’re dating an artist, an engineer, or an entrepreneur, the standard remains the same: Respect is non-negotiable, and effort is the currency.

Don’t let the fear of “being alone” during these long winter months make you settle for a situationship that drains your glow. You are a Goddess who is building an empire, and your partner should be someone who adds to your peace, not someone you have to protect your peace from.

Stay feminine, stay focused, and remember: Your standards are the filter for your future. You are a Goddess who knows that a quality connection is built on consistency, not just chemistry, and your time is your most precious asset. You’re just a woman, but the world is reshaped by the level of love you refuse to compromise on.

With love,