Black Teenage Girls, Spousal Abuse, & Tips On How NOT To Fall Into The Trap!

I’m going to give you tips on how to not fall for the trap because I feel like it’s past time to discuss something that a lot of people aren’t addressing: Black Teen Girls & Spousal Abuse; which is also an alarming percentage of why black girls are gaining steam in the suicidal category. Black girls 5-17 make up 18.3% of the population in America and yet we are amongst the highest numbers of non-stranger sexual abuse, parental neglect, sex trafficking, depression, social inequities, and illiterate life skills. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a black only issue AND there are black boys who are facing some of the same issues yet in smaller numbers and I want to make sure I mention that though we are going to focus on black girls today because the numbers are so alarming that we have got to discuss this and get ahold of the problem.

The first thing I want to address immediately is black girls deciding to deal with spousal abuse at such young ages. Ladies, it’s NEVER okay for a boy to lay hands on you; unless maybe to protect themselves from you because you are unjustly attacking them. People have a right to protect themselves from those who deem doing them life-threatening harm. Though to be underage and have a boyfriend who lays hands on you, as if you are his punching bag, is insane though it’s even more insane to allow it to happen repeatedly. If it happened once and you walked away (whether pressing charges or not) then good for you. You didn’t stay and ended up abused another day.

Some have asked me why I feel black boys are attacking their black girlfriends when no other race is doing it or asking why boys with money abuse their girlfriends though the truth is…black boys aren’t the only ones attacking just their black girlfriends. There are white boys who are attacking their black girlfriends and Hispanic boys as well. They can be black, non-black, your boyfriend or even your girlfriend, popular or non-popular, illiterate or intelligent, rich or in poverty. So let’s establish the knowledge of that part.

Something you should think about when a boy wants to date you is determining what environments he has witnessed. Children and Teens who grow up witnessing spousal abuse, even from entertainment media, are more likely to abuse their partners. So think about it. If you are dating a boy who pays attention to people like Blueface and Chrisean Rock…..you should definitely decide NOT to date him. The majority of boys who commit spousal abuse have a belief system that validates their abusive acts. So when you hear a guy try to rationalize why another guy (like Blueface) hit(s) on a girl and/or his first sentiment is to ask what the female did so he can figure out ways to justify the abuse then know that he has the propensity to hit you one day and feel he is right for doing so. He will even make you feel like it’s solely your fault alone that he hit you and he had no choice but to do it.

SO WHAT SIGNS SHOULD BLACK GIRLS LOOK OUT FOR (NO MATTER THE BOY’S RACE)?

When you are feeling like you could be interested in a boy, think about the things that may heighten your risk of ending up with one who could abuse you. If he has 2 traits or more, then you’re in danger girl. Don’t engage. Here are the traits of a potential abuser:

• Low academic achievement.
• Low-income upbringing.
• Raised seeing abuse.
• Aggressive often.
• Has rich boy privilege that he uses in more bad ways than good.
• Consciously or unconsciously enjoys music that speaks on treating women poorly.
• Already into drugs/alcohol.
• Depressed often.
• Signs of insecurity and/or emotional dependence.
• High levels of anger and hostility; whether in situations or not. It’s important to notice how far he goes and how long the feeling lasts.
• Strict belief in gender roles/male dominance where the opposite upsets him or he’s overly vocal about it.
• Prior history of being physically abusive.
• Actions that show that he wants to have power or control over darn near everything about ya’ll relationship/dating phase.
• Being a victim of physical/psychological abuse growing up.

No matter what state you live in in the US, 1 in 3 girls are being abused physically and/or mentally by a mate or even just by a boy that they like who just hasn’t made them their girlfriend yet. And here’s a fact, if you suffered abuse in your teen years, then you have a chance of becoming an adult woman who is abused in 45% of your overall partner selections in life.

WHAT TYPES OF TEENS ARE AT-RISK FOR BEING A VICTIM OF SPOUSAL ABUSE?

Did you know that even boys can be predatory? That’s right! They don’t have to be grown adult men. Some boys can already sense targeting a girl that they know they can use and abuse. This is just another reason why I want better for us as girls because those who look to use and abuse you know how to find you because usually the traits of a person that they can abuse are:

• Low income.
• Age 21 and under.
• FEMALE
• Live in high-poverty neighborhoods.
• Are affluent and feel bad for others who don’t have what they do so they are eager to please their mate and make them happy.
• Dependent on drugs/alcohol.
• Feels undesired by other boys.
• Feels unnoticed or underappreciated.
• Come from an abusive upbringing.
• Has witnessed spousal abuse often.
• Was previously abused by a boy.
• Watched her mother/sister be belittled often in their relationships.
• Listen to highly disrespectful music against women.
• Watch shows that promote violence and disrespect among people.
• Have friends that they let treat them badly/negatively/belittling/etc.
• Shows signs of needing attention from boys.

And here’s a quick thing that I want you all to know without having to expand on it too much: If you fall into this category in any way, know that you are at-risk for being raped, killed, and even kidnapped and thrown into sex trafficking BY SOMEONE YOU KNOW AND POSSIBLY EVEN LOVE. And when I say at-risk, I mean HIGHLY!!! And never take stalking antics lightly!!! DO NOT…and I repeat…DO NOT set your life up to fall into any of these traps.

In conclusion…ladies…know better and do better. Practice self-care, self-love, and self-preservation. Be educated and versatile with the topics you decide to learn about. You can never learn too much. A female’s brain is an asset! And the right kinds of men value a woman with mental assets more than her…physical assets. If you know what I mean. If you can, get a job working in places that are not in poverty neighborhoods. Like get a job working at an art gallery, country club, tennis center, etc. rather than McDonalds or Captain J’s or Family Dollar. A job that gets you to see better things and cultures (not synonymous with saying better races) and even introduces you to different types of opportunities (and boys…did I mention different boys). I think I may do a blog about where you can most likely find good boys/men! Let me know if ya’ll would be interested in seeing something like that!

HOW TO GET HELP IF YOU’RE FACING TEEN SPOUSAL ABUSE (OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS).

• Seek out someone of authority in school who has shown to care about the welfare of the students and gets desired results.
• Let those around you who love you know what is going on. Don’t rely much on those who already know you’re being abused and have looked away.
• Brainstorm safe ways to walk away from that person. You know more than anyone what your partner could be capable of at this point.
• Carry some form of protection on you. Mace, a concealed knife, etc. Listen…when a person decides to harm you, YOU CONCERN YOURSELF WITH YOUR LIFE…NOT THEIRS.
• Have a code word or phrase for you to be able to use incase you have to contact someone and fake like you are okay and yet you’re really alerting them that you are under duress.
• Report things to the police. I know people are like…nooooooo don’t get “the peoples” involved… don’t “help send another young black boy to jail”. WHATEVER! They brought it on themself. Why do people who wanna look away always wanna stop you from getting help with stopping your abuser but never encourage your abuser to stop hurting you? So again…self-preservation. And if they stalk, intimidate, and/or threaten you. Let the police know so there is a record of it and so that the judge understands the extremes of things so that an arrest happens and a judgment can be made on the type of time spent.

HERE ARE SOME ORGANIZATIONS YOU CAN CALL IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO AND GET HELP FROM IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE NOONE ELSE:

LOVE IS RESPECT
phone : 1-866-331-9474 … OR … 1-866-331-8453
website : http://loveisrespect.org

THAT’S NOT COOL
website : http://thatsnotcool.com
IG : thatsnotcool

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
phone : 1-800-799-SAFE aka 1-800-799-7233
text : START to 88788
website : http://thehotline.org